Kavanaugh-onsense

So I've had some time to think about this over the past week, and here's what people don't seem to get about the Kavanaugh thing. Let's forget about why she didn't report what happened as a teenager, because that's really not the point now. No matter how much the president tweets. Sexual assault cases are rarely reported, especially when you're that young. It's a confusing time and girls are often worried they'll be blamed, or silenced, or maybe worst of all, not believed.

The point is now though, people say she's lying. For attention or as revenge or whatever. But what people don't get, is that while she's getting death threats and all the other craziness, she had to tell her parents. And her children. There can be so much shame surrounding sexual assault situations. Yes she is telling the world. The faceless masses will know her name. She'll be compared to Anita Hill. 

But she had to tell her family. Her parents and her kids. And people don't like to talk about being sexually assaulted. It feels vulnerable and embarrassing and yes still shameful. Even years later.

Plus, you're potentially putting your parents in the position to feel guilty or like the didn't do enough or they tried so hard to prevent men and the world from preying on you. They tried to keep you safe, and they didn't. You have to put that on your parents. 

Obviously, it's only the fault of the perpetrator, but victim blaming is so pervasive, that it's easy to try to share the blame. Or defend the person when you're telling the story. It's almost second nature to want to protect yourself while you're telling the story, or say the guy wasn't all bad. Maybe he was drunk or didn't know what he was doing. 

And he may have been drunk, and maybe he didn't think he was removing your ability to consent, just ignoring it. But that doesn't change his actions. And we need to stop defending our attackers, as hard as it may be. 

Dr. Ford is a hero. She's not defending Judge Kavanaugh, she's not worrying about how the story makes her look or how vulnerable she has to be to admit this gross, violent thing that happened to her. 

And, she had to tell her parents.